December provides ample opportunities for festive fun and we can all feel the pressure to partake in the seasonal spirit. Whether that is driving around to look at the holiday lights long after the sun has gone down, end-of-year lunches smack dab in the middle of your baby’s afternoon nap or evening dinners with family and friends.

While joyous, maintaining your baby's sleep routine can also cause stress for new parents who also want to prioritise their baby’s sleep this holiday season.

It’s important to strike a balance that works for you and your baby’s sleep these holidays. And what that balance looks like for your family will likely be different to your neighbour Janet whose kids have a 9 pm bedtime normally, or your well-meaning cousin who will gleefully share that “her baby will sleep anywhere!” on holidays.

Here are my tips for a balanced approach to your baby’s sleep this holiday season.

Keep your expectations clear

Expect less for your baby’s sleep over the holidays 

If your little one’s schedule normally runs like clockwork, it is okay for that to look a little bit different for a while.  A baby who typically sleeps well will not be ‘ruined’ by having shorter naps or sleeping on the go for a while.  You will bounce back into your usual sleep rhythms after the holiday period.

Set boundaries around the expectations others can have of your baby’s sleep

If you are planning to arrive thirty minutes late to Christmas lunch because you are hoping your baby will nap for the hour-long drive there, that’s okay! Just let the hosts know ahead of time. That way everyone can enjoy lunch with a well-rested baby. Similarly, if showing up an hour early so you can set up the porta-cot means less stress for you, communicate that plan. 

You might not want to pass your baby around for others to hold, and that’s okay. In that case, I strongly recommend using a carrier to keep your baby close and dissuade those unwanted smooches. 

But if you are happy to have a rest from the upper body workout, use family to give your arms a break and let them hold the baby for sleep.  And thanks to a certain global pandemic, asking someone to wash their hands first or to not kiss the baby is no longer offensive!

Be part of a team

In the end, it doesn’t matter if your Grandfather is annoyed with you for missing dessert because you left early to get home for bedtime - I mean let’s face it, fruit cake is disgusting anyway! That is a him problem, not a you problem.  

The most important thing is that you and your partner (if you are a two-parent household) are supportive of one another and can hold those boundaries in the tough moments of your mother guilting you about not seeing enough of their grandchild on their first Christmas (if you are guessing that I am writing from a lived experience, you would be correct!). 

Your support team might also be that favourite cousin you briefed ahead of time to have your back or your sister who agreed to leave at the same time and help re-settle the baby when you get home - Aunt energy can be fierce!

You will avoid conflict by coming up with an agreed plan together and sticking to it. None of this “aww just 15 more minutes" stuff either.  Have a plan and support one another to do what feels right for you and your baby. 

Focus on the things you can control

Set up a supportive sleep environment

Baby temperament has a lot to do with whether your child will be flexible in where they sleep.  Some babies will sleep in the pram or carrier even with Jingle Bells playing at a deafening decibel. While other babies are more sensitive to their surroundings or have too much FOMO to close their eyes. You can’t control your baby’s temperament, but you can control the sleep environment you provide them so they can sleep well. 

If you have a little one who struggles to sleep anywhere but their cot, then take a porta-cot and set it up in a back bedroom. You might look like you are moving in when you trudge through the door with a black-out blind, monitor, white noise machine and sleep sacks in hand - but who cares if it means you get to enjoy the party and your baby gets to enjoy a good sleep.

Use a wind down routine to your advantage

Spend time in the lead up to the holiday encouraging a good bedtime wind-down ritual.  This is one of the most powerful sleep tools you have at your disposal to manage your baby’s sleep this holiday season.

When it is getting close to sleep time, take them into their sleep space early and put them through the familiar bedtime routine. This familiar sleepy ritual will lower your baby’s stress response and cue their body it is time for sleep. 

Time your travel for sleep

Some babies despise the car - one of mine certainly did.  Having to endure even a 10 minute car ride would cause my banshee baby to unleash, so anything more than that filled me with dread. What says Happy Holidays more than a sweaty, exhausted, red faced screaming baby on a 40 minute car trip? Sign me up! NOT!

Try to plan your holiday departure when your baby is showing tired signs.  Bring their cuddle toy and put up a good sunshade to block out some light.  Download the Better Sleep app on your phone and play it in the back. Choose the route that is going to get your moving the fastest and not trapped bumper to bumper in a motionless car. If you can sit in the back with a bag of tricks to distract, that might get you a few extra minutes of peaceful travel.

Prioritise yourself …be a little selfish this season

Find some quiet time

Look ahead at the holiday period and choose days when you will stay home for a rest and allow your baby to sleep in their usual sleep space.  Events and gatherings can be overstimulating and a little extra for adults, so imagine how it all feels for our tiny people with an underdeveloped nervous system.

This might mean saying no to an event, or if you don’t want to offend someone by turning down an invite, it might mean faking a migraine. 

If you don’t want to miss out on anything, simply slipping away to a quiet room for a cuddle in the dark, or a walk outside in the pram can be enough of a rest and reset from the chaos.

Feel empowered to ignore people

Family gatherings can be a breeding ground for unsolicited advice and unhelpful attitudes. Be armed with how you will manage suggestions like “if you keep her up later, she will just sleep in tomorrow”.  My personal favourite is, “Thanks, but we are happy with how we are managing it!” (*insert wry smile here*).

Remember, they won’t be the one trying to support an overwrought baby at end of the day. You will. So you do you!

Stay late if you want to

More than likely, you are having that internal battle between wanting to stay at the party but also not wanting to stay up past bedtime. I say go for it and see what happens. Start your baby’s night stretch of sleep at their normal time and then transfer them to the car when you are ready to go. 

Early in the night, sleep pressure is still high so if they wake during the transfer, be confident they will get back to sleep once you are home.  My top tip - get a sleep sack like this that has the hole in the back for the carseat buckle to slide through. Gamechanger.

A final piece of advice: Give yourself grace

You won’t always get it right. You will miss tired signs because you were distracted watching Elf for the 95th time and now your baby is overtired and impossible to settle or you will skip the morning nap and maybe come to regret it later, but I promise it will be okay. You have permission to not know exactly what is best and to work it out as you go along.

We all screw this parent thing up in our own special way. Give yourself some grace.